Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Where did November go?!

Wow, it has been a looooong time! What can I say, LIFE HAPPENS. As oddly as it sounds, I am entirely okay with that.  I started this blog not just to talk about our journey to being healthier, but just to talk about our life! Our wonderful, happy, completely imperfect lives. :)

Over the past month I've been working, dealing with school, working, dealing with school and figuring out what in the world to do with my life! I've mentioned before that I'm a little over half way through with an Early Childhood Education degree.  I sort of took a mini-break this semester because I was doubting myself and my career choice.  After much thought and consideration, I've decided to finish my degree! woohoo. At the end of the day I truly feel that my doubt was stemming from my current stressful work situation. I have to remember that working with 3 and 4 year olds is completely different than actually teaching in an elementary school. So next semester is going to be quite lovely taking 18 hours to play catch up! I haven't broken it to my boss yet that I want to cut my hours back at work in January.  I better get on that asap!

I defiinitely need to update ya'll with a picture post and it will come soon! It's 11:06 right now, I am extremely sleepy and have to work in the morning.  I hope all of you are doing well, am looking forward to catching up on your blogs!!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A- Z of me!

This has been floating around in blogland so I had to steal borrow it. I found it over at One Girl One Goal!

A - Z of ME...
A. Age - 23
B. Bed size - King!
C. Chore you dislike - Cleaning anything in the bathroom.  Hate it!
D. Dogs - My two babies, Snoopy and Charlie!
E. Essential start to your day - Hit snooze. Cuddle up to hubby. Hit snooze again.  Hit snooze again.
F. Favorite color - Green
G. Gold or silver - Silver

H. Height - 5'8

I. Instruments you play(ed) - I started out playing clarinet and played a little bit on the french horn
J. Job title - Preschool Teacher
K. Kids - None YET! But in the next few years, definitely! Already have the names picked out lol
L. Live - Fort Smith! Have also lived in Sacramento, Oklahoma City, and Orlando.
M. Mom's name - Vicki
N. Nicknames - Nothing really? My brothers used to call me Amanda Panda. lol
O. Overnight hospital stays - Just a knee surgery
P. Pet peeves - Liars and FAKE PEOPLE.

Q.Quote from a movie - "What the heck was that?!" -Yogi Bear. ((You have to see it to laugh!))
R. Righty or Lefty - Righty

S. Siblings - 4. Older sister. Two older brothers. Younger brother.

T. Time you wake up - 6:30

U. Underwear - Is this a question lol I love buying new underwear! I have wayyy too many.
V. Vegetables you don't like - Onions, Squash, Sweet Potatoes. lol there are many!
W. What makes you run late - Sleeping.
X. X-rays you've had - My knee and my arm.
Y. Yummy food you make - I LOVE my lasagna. I made some last night. So yummmmy!
Z. Zoo animal favorites - Panda!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Second Training Session

......kicked my ass.

....and I LOVED it.

I've never really done strength workouts outside of the fitness class I took at school.  I don't really count that because it was a part of a circuit and I never felt a burn like I did today.  We worked on back, shoulders, abs, and legs.  By the end of the workout I was literally drenched and my muscles were shaking.  It felt amazing! I can't wait to show my hubby some of the workouts.  I came home and made a big protein shake.  I'm new at the whole shake thing and definitely need some recipes. If you have any good ones, send them my way!

This is a short post, I'm about to have to go to work for a couple of hours. Tonight I'm going to my nephews football game and then we are picking up my wonderful sister in law! She is flying in from D.C. and staying with us for the weekend. Tomorrow I am definitely going to get some cardio in on my lunch break.  Saturday we are taking my nieces and nephew to the state fair. How in the world am I going to resist the fair food?!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

First Personal Training Session

So I met with my new trainer, Mandy, last night. It went really well and we pretty much just discussed nutrition and how it's really 80% of losing and maintaining weight loss. Of course that is the part that I struggle with most! She stressed how no one plan can work for everyone and that we need to try several different things until we find something that fits.

First, she wants to put me on a plan where I eat 5 small meals a day. She did stress the fact that she is not a nutritionist, working out is her real forte, but over the years she has gotten a lot of information. The calorie range she told me to stay in was definitely off and I'm going by what a dietician told me before. She was saying about 1500 calories a day, but that's not enough at my weight, working out 5 days a week. I'm going to try to keep it between 2000-2300 to start out. All of the online resources actually say 2650 for my weight, but I'll tweak it as needed.

I bought 8 workout sessions to start out.  We're going to workout twice a week. I was pleasantly surprised that it's only 25.00/session. That's one good thing about living in Arkansas, everything's cheap! :)

Today was my first work. One word BRUTAL. It was the most intense 25 minutes on a treadmill....ever.  If she wasn't standing there next to me, I probably would have quit. haha I feel great that I did it now, and my endurance will get better and better.  We did intervals, increasing speed every minute for 5 minutes. Recover. Increase incline every minute for 5 minutes. Recover. Over and over. She then showed me a couple of other machines she wants me to do on Friday's.  The two times a week we are going to meet are going to be strength workouts.

I'm excited, and committed.  A trip to the grocery store is a must this evening!!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Happy Monday!

This weekend went entirely TOO fast!

On Friday night after I got off of work, the hubby and I decided to try some Indian food.  There's a place in town with amazing reviews so we gave it shot,
and I have come to the conclusion that either:

1.I don't like Indian food.
2.I just ordered the wrong thing

My husbands food was pretty good. (I wish I had taken pictures! I've GOTTA get better about that lol) I ordered a rice plate with beef. It was horrible. Even my husband wouldn't eat it, and that says something! lol Not to mention that the chickpea battered cheese we ordered tasted exactly like McDonalds chicken nuggets!

I'll probably try it again someday, but not anytime soon!

On Saturday night this little guy came to spend the night:
My nephew Vance!

He had never spent the night at my house before and he was sooo good! And yes he is standing in an ottoman in the living room.  He thought it was funny when I put my toy poodle in there and closed the lid. :)

Today is my first meeting with my personal trainer and being nervous is a definite understatement. I know I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it.  It's not until 7 tonight, but I am so ready to get it over with and get started!

I ordered some goodies that i will hopefully get by the end of the week:

I ordered this shoe in black/pink. I tried them on in the store and it was AMAZING. Sadly that run SUPER small and they didn't have very many sizes so I had to order it.

These workout pants had great reviews and I had a coupon from Lane Bryant so I decided to try them out.

I also ordered a few new bras from cacique and a new sports bra! ((ahhh I LOVE shopping!))

I will definitely be reviewing these items later on when I get them and try them out!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Not so Wordless Wednesday!

Hey everybody!! It's mid week and I hope everyone is doing well!  Today I don't work until 3:00.  I SHOULD be cleaning up the house and folding laundry, but blogging just seems like so much more fun :)

This past weekend I bought a book at Lifeway:

I'm not usually big on the whole "diet book" scene and this book isn't your typical weight loss book.  I haven't finished it yet and will definitely have a full review after I do, but so far the book has been very interesting.  The book talks about how in order to lose weight and be healthy, you can't just focus on the physical weight loss, because you are so much more than the weight loss.  You have to take into account your emotional, spiritual, and physical health.  If one part of your health is out of sync, your life will feel out of sync. I find this to be completely true in my case!

I other exciting news I have decided to take a leap of faith and get a personal trainer.  I feel at this point, I not only need the extra push and accountability, but I also need the guidance.  I am in this for the long run and I don't know how to make all of the lifestyle changes on my own.  I have my first meeting/consultation with her on Monday night.  I have to admit I am probably way more nervous than I should be. ((This may or may not be linked to the fact that I looked at her facebook page, and people were commenting about how they were too scared to work out with her or be in her bootcamp class.  Did I mention these were mostly FIT people??))  On Monday we are just going to go over goals and nutrition and start to figure out a plan.  I will meet with her twice a week in the beginning and eventually only once when I get the hang of things.

Have any of you ever worked with a personal trainer before?? What were your experiences like??

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Hello long lost friends!! It has been much too long!!

First, I just have to say thank you so much to everyone who commented on my last post.  You don't know how much I needed your words during this emotional time. I took a break for a couple of weeks just to get my head together and get myself into a better emotional place.  I am happy to say that I have arrived at that place! I feel like I am in a much better and healthier state of mind.

I will write a longer post tomorrow and do a little recap of some good things going on in my life! (I finally got a new phone that takes great pictures too! Hello, Droid Bionic!)

For now I am going to catch up on some blog reading and spread the blog love!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Emotional Wreck

I'm an emotional wreck.

Even as I type that, I try to put a smile on my face because that's what I do.  When things get tough, I laugh it off. I am the positive one.  I tell everyone that it's going to be fine, that it can't get any worse. I pick up all the pieces when people are falling apart.  I send cards, I text, I call....just because.  Because that's what I've always done. I grew up with two of the most selfish people on the planet and somehow ended up selfless. I'm proud to not be like my parents, but I wish it didn't come along with the guilt.  The guilt that comes when God forbid I do something for MYSELF.  I make a decision for MYSELF. I do something that makes ME happy.

The other night at 4am I hear my house phone ringing.  I jump out of bed because my niece is asleep on the couch and I don't want it to wake her up.  Before I get to the phone, I hear my mother on the answering machine.  She's crying hysterically and keeps saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."  The first thing that crossed my mind is that my father has passed away.  He's been sick for so long, fighting through heart surgeries, leg surgeries, amputations.  My heart sank. I was scared to pick up the phone, but I did.

My dad didn't pass away.  He's fine and still recovering, but my mom was calling to tell me that she was about to hang herself.

She was sitting in a tree, with a rope, going to kill herself.  She was going to hang herself from a tree just like her brother did last year.  She called to say goodbye.

I cannot believe I am admitting this, but some sort of relief flooded over me. I was emotionless. The first thought that crossed my mind was, "that's all?" Suddenly I was mad at her for calling me. I'm not proud of these feelings but I will acknowledge them. The mother I have today is not the same mom I had when I was very young.  In a way, my mom is already dead to me.  We have no relationship because any relationship with her is toxic. As I began to talk her out of suicide, I had no feeling.  It was as if I was talking to a perfect stranger.  As if a random person from the other side of the world called me and told me they were going to kill themselves.  Of course I will tell ANYONE not to commit suicide. I couldn't beg her not to do it.  The words would not come out.

As much as I've tried to hide it, since the night I talked to her out of suicide I've been an emotional wreck.  I am angry and bitter. I hold so much resentment and do not know how to let it go.  Holding things in only leads to unhealthy habits surfacing.

I will never get out of this vicious cycle if I don't do a few things.

1.I have to let myself be angry.
I have to realize that there is nothing abnormal about my angry feelings as long as I don't let them control me.

2.I have to let it go.
Being angry all the time isn't healthy for anyone.  I need to have some time to be angry and then give it to God.

3.I have to focus on me.
At the end of the day, my life is better without my mother in it, and that's nothing to feel guilty about. Removing myself from any situations involving her is best.

4.I have to find more healthy ways to vent.  Emotional eating will get me NOWHERE

Being healthy is my main priority.  It is the first step to moving on and starting my own family with my husband. I have to remove all of the toxic people in my life that do nothing but bring me down.  I have to move forward with no regrets.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hello September!

I am so excited that September is here!  Along with September comes COOLER WEATHER.  This summer has been a killer.  I honestly don't think I will ever wish for summer to be here again.  It's no fun when it's absolutely too hot to enjoy it!

I've seen some people saying that they are joining in on no soda September.  I hardly drink soda, but I'm going to commit to this as well! I never keep any soda in the house but in social situations I usually give in and have some.  I'm completely confident that I can make it the entire month without wasting calories on soda!

I need to get caught up on my blog reading and share some blog love! Since school has started, things have gotten a little crazy! I think at the end of this month I am going to go through a program to become a Dental Assistant! It's only a 2 month program (although it's 5 hours a day, yuck!) and I figure that I have nothing to lose. (besides some cash lol) I haven't figured out what I want to do and I think it's time to just try something new.

I had a great workout today. I've started going back to the gym. My sister and law and I have a routine going that seems to work for now.  We start out with some cardio, do a complete circuit, and then end with more cardio. I'm sore today and I love that feeling!

Wow, this post has been all over the place. That's okay because that's what my life feels like right now, all over the place!

Hope you all are having a fantastic week!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Well, hello again!

Wow I haven't posted in almost a week! It's been a CRAZY week.  It would take me a series of 10 blog posts to fill you in on all the drama that went down with my family this past week. I will spare you all the details. :) Unfortunately all of the drama/stress caused lots of emotional eating. We had pizza like 3 times, seriously. Yuck.

But it's time to move forward from that! Today I put in an amazing workout in the gym with my sister in law. We even got compliments from the guys with giant muscles on the weights! woohoo!! I've been working out just at home with my treadmill/Wii but I had forgotten had good it feels to be in the actual gym!

Today I took one of my appetite suppresants I got from the doctor.  I haven't been taking them because honestly, they make me feel disconnected and sometimes crazy. I always feel spaced out! Today, though, I am not working and just plan on cleaning house, the perfect time to take them!

I'm going to catch up on my blog reading later this evening, I hope everyone is having a good week!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Friend Making Monday

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!
FMM: The Last Thing
1) What is the title of the last book you read?  I just finished up "Sister" by A. Manette Ansay.  Although I felt it was a little dry, it was very well written!
2) What is the last movie you saw in a theater? I haven't been to the movies in awhile. I think Transformers 3 might have been the last one.
3) Briefly describe the last person you saw today.  My hubby just left for work.
4) Which store did you most recently shop in?  We are usually Walmart people because it's 1 mile down the road, but last night we went to Aldi to get these french toast bites that I love!!
5) Who’s the last person you spoke to over the phone? My sister, she called this morning to tell me her water heater burst and wasn't going to be able to come hang out today. BOO!
6) Where’s the last place you vacationed? In July we spent an extra long weekend in Hot Springs on Lake Desoto. I want to go back so badly!
7) When was the last time you kissed someone of the opposite sex? 10 minutes ago.
8) What’s the last thing that made you laugh?  Family Guy. :)
9) What’s the latest app that you downloaded on your phone? A recipe app. My poor little phone goes so slow if I download anything now. Hurry up Droid Bionic!!
10)  What’s the last kind thing you did for someone?  Do pep talks count?? I'm good at those when people are feeling down and I can think of at least 2 in the last few days!!

Sunday, August 21, 2011


I have to say, this week was horrible on the exercise front.  I only got 2 good workouts in, and that is definitely changing this week! My loss for this week is 1.2lbs. I'm completely satisfied with that because it reflects the amount of work I put in. Now that my work schedule has slowed down I will have more time to devote to working out. School starts tomorrow, but I'm only taking online classes so no excuses there, I have a treadmill and workout equipment in my house!

Starting Weight: 307.8
Current Weight: 303.4
Total Loss: 4.4lbs

Woohoo if I work hard this week maybe I will be back in the 200's next week!!
I'm feeling under the weather today, yuck! I don't want any of our cousins kiddos to get sick so I am staying home today to rest and get to feeling better. Hope you all have had a good weekend!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Happy Saturdayyy!! (and product review!)

This week seemed to be super long!! I had a lovely day off in the middle of the week and instead of doing something productive I curled up on the couch with my doggies and the remote.  It was relaxing and much needed!!

Tomorrow some cousins are coming down so we get to spend some time with them and their kiddos and then I think we are going to see a baseball game up in NW Arkansas with my husbands best friend, Kevin and his girlfriend. They've been dating for a few months now and we haven't met her yet! Unacceptable. Especially since I'm sort of the reason he met her in the first place.  (I'll save that story for another post :) )

Today, although it was SCORCHING hot, the hubby and I ventured out for a little bit of shopping. My niece is turning 8 next Sunday. *sob* I can't believe how much she has grown up! I got her a super cute outfit at Kohls. We went to a few little shops and I found this super cute shirt for myself on sale for 2.00!!
I'll have to take a pic with it on, this one doesn't do justice. So cute!

I also picked this up:
We are addicted to sushi lately. My husband likes all the different varieties with meat, but I pretty much stick to the vegetarian for now. My favorite is the spring roll and avocado roll. Yummm....we had it for lunch today.

So a few weeks ago Bonnie had a giveaway. She was giving away a black bondiband headband! I didn't win the giveaway, but after browsing their site and following them on Facebook I had to order one for myself. Acutally, I ordered 2.

Of course I had to have both, they both involved Edward!

No I didn't work out in that pretty sparkly tank! I just had to take a picture wearing the bondiband!

So I tried one out for the first time today and I am impressed!! This is the product description:

WICKING FABRIC. Wicking fabrics draw moisture away from the body, pushing to the outside of the fabric, where it evaporates away... leaving you dry. Our wicking fabric is comprised of high-tech polyester, which, unlike cotton, absorbs very little water. (Cotton will absorb roughly 7% of its weight in water, our polyester blend only 0.4%). Try our product and compare!
The wicking fabric is great! I did a 40 minute workout on the treadmill and sweat never dripped down my face. They are not only super comfortable but stylish as well!  They have so many different styles and colors.  They have all kinds of products, not just headbands! You should definitely check them out here!

*This review is my own personal opinion. I am in no way being compensated*

I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend! 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011


This week has been crazy hectic.  It was the last week of our summer program at work, bittersweet! I'm going to miss my little preschoolers who are heading to Kindergarten next week. Dad had surgery to remove his left b big toe this week and so far so good with that.  He was instructed to stay off of the foot and ice it all the time, but of course he can't sit still for more than 30 minutes.

I was a little worried about weighing in today.  My exercise has been good, not great but good.  I am still having a very hard time finding a food balance though! It is definitely a work in progress. I was pleasantly surprised when the scale said 304.6 this morning!! Down 3.2 pounds! I'll take it!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Papa and his grandbabies

In honor of my daddy, who is having to have his toe amputated in the morning! Please keeps us in your thoughts!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

First Official Weigh-In

So Sundays are going to be my weigh-in days, starting with today! On the first Sunday of every month I will also update my inches on the progress page.

Today's weigh-in: 307.8

Boo. This means I have gained 10lbs since May. NO GOOD. Today, I am saying goodbye to that number forever!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Happy Weekend!!

I hope everyone has a GREAT weekend! I just wanted to write a quick post, and then I will be back on Sunday for official weigh in!! I finally bought a scale and so far it seems to be accurate within .2! I hope it stays that way. I tried to take everyone's advice and get a weight watchers scale but of course my tiny Arkansas Target only had  1 WW scale, the cheapest one, and it has a 1 star review on the website.  I decided against it and got one from Walmart.

I wrote out a more structured plan for my blog, (I love structure!) and am going to start implementing it starting on Sunday. This first way weigh in is much worse than I thought, and I've been pretty down about it since I stepped onto the darn scale, but hey you have to start somewhere, and this is my somewhere.

My weekend is going to consist of getting a new bed. Woohoo. We are going from a full to a king. I don't think we are going to know what to do with ourselves! Other than that, LOTS of cleaning. I got a jump start on my list tonight and got a lot done with the help of the hubby. Having a clean house just seems to make me feel better!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Scale HELP!

What kind of scale does everyone use?? I really need a new scale for the house. I got rid of my old one because every time I stood on it it would have a completely different number anywhere from 1-10lbs off.  I know there will always be a SLIGHT error but I want a scale that will be accurate most of the time.

I just got a treadmill and other workout equipment so I won't be at the gym as much to use their scales!

Any ideas?

Monday, August 1, 2011

Friend Making Monday!!

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

1. Do you like to shop? Yes, and no.  It really depends on what I am shopping for.  I like to go out and get new clothes, but not all the time.  I HATE grocery shopping. H..A...T...E. I don't know why, I just do! lol

2. How often do you wear makeup? I used to wear makeup A LOT more than I do now.  I used to be so self conscious about my rosy Irish cheeks and would not leave the house without covering them up with foundation.  Now, I don't really mind.  I work with anywhere from 30-50 preschoolers every day and there is no point in getting all dolled up for them! It would be off in about an hour, especially with temps way about 100 right now!

3. How do you feel about nail polish? I love nail polish and always have to have my toenails painted! I can never get it to stay on very long on my nails so I am constantly repainting them!

4. Do you consider yourself to be a feminist? Eh, Kinda.  I wouldn't say feminist exactly.  I'm definitely independent and believe women can do anything men can do. Girl power!

5. What’s your biggest challenge as a woman? I would probably have to say dealing with insecurities. It's a constant battle.

6. Do you wear skirts and dresses? I used to be such a tom boy and never wore dresses.  Now, I have TONS.  I love wearing dresses.  I only own a couple of skirts though.

7. How do you feel about high heels? Thumbs down!! Flats all the way! lol

8. Do you subscribe to magazines? If so, which ones? Nope, I am not currently!

9. Do you shave your legs/wax/ use depilatory creams or go au naturale?  I shave and use nair. I get my eyebrows waxed, I am a big baby and can't stand tweezing them!

10. What do you like most about being a woman? I This one is hard! Despite the fact that we have to deal with PMS, hormones, and painful child birth, I LOVE being a woman. :)  I love to feel feminine and sexy, it's empowering!

Now it’s your turn to answer the questions! And don’t forget to link up at!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes :)

Hello long lost blog friends!

I've been MIA for a few days, getting my thoughts together and to be honest, just being SUPER busy! We are in the last 3 weeks of our summer program at work and the stress level has been high.  Most of the stress is due to this HORRIBLE heat. We broke a record today with this awful weather.  Apparently here in Fort Smith the most consecutive days in a row that i was over 100 degrees was 25.  Today marks day 26 and there is no end in sight for the triple digits! We haven't had rain in over a month!

Per DHS, the kids can't go outside for more than 10 minutes at a time if it is over 90 degrees and they can't  go out if it's over 100. ((This is fine by me, I hate being out there when it's scorching just as much as they do)) The problem is, we are all going a little stir crazy!!  By the end of the day, I want to do nothing!!

*Okay, end rant!*

If you read my last post, you know that I've been struggling with life decisions. I'm a bit over half way through with my education degree and still don't quite know if it's what I want. So after talking to the hubby, I've decided to graduate with my Associates degree in December and then take a bit of time off to figure out what in the world I want to do! I had a much needed conservation with my sister in law, and she gave me some good advice. "Don't worry about what other people think. Do what makes YOU happy. If you don't like something, change it." :)  For now, I'm going to work full time for awhile. I'm just burnt out, and I think that's okay. It happens!

This weekend I'm going to have my 2 nieces and nephew. I've missed them! I promise to be a good blogger and take lots of pictures of what we do! :)   I hope everyone is having a good week!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Life would be so much easier.....

If I had a magic genie to make all of the hard decisions for me! :)

I wasn't sure if I should blog about this or not. This might just be a completely random post, but who knows? It could be interesting, and I've come to realize that blogging is very therapeutic. Here goes nothing.

My entire life I have always been a little out of place.  In my family, I am what you would call the "exception."  I came from a pretty broken home most of the time. My parents were always on and off. I knew about things that no children should have to know about.  I saw the fights.  I saw the drugs.  I lived in total chaos.  Instead of repeating the cycle I wanted nothing more but to get out.  I worked hard in school.  Kept my grades up. I didn't do this because I got praise from my parents (trust me, I didn't) I did it because I wanted to be different.  In many ways, I am.  I've never touched a drug in my life.  I'm a lover, not a fighter.  I am strong and dedicated. I am proud of the person I am today, but the person I am today comes with many scars.

I struggle with forgiveness.  I struggle with letting go.  I struggle with being a doormat.  I struggle with low self esteem. I struggle with finishing things. Growing up, when times got tough, my parents quit.  This is a constant struggle for me.

Most people don't know any of this about me. I hide things well.

Right now, I'm struggling.  I'm struggling with who I am.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my life. I love my wonderful husband and our two little fur babies.  I'm happy and content, but I'm struggling. All of my friends graduated from college last year and since I made poor choices in school and then did a drastic major change, I still have 4 semesters left before I graduate. All of my friends are getting their "big girl" jobs now and I feel so lost, so left behind.  All of this is my fault.  I can blame it on my past all I want to  (and trust me, I would like to) but the poor decisions I made after high school were all my own.

I didn't go off and do drugs or do anything illegal. I didn't have a baby. After high school I went straight to working a full time job. I did this for 2 years before I realized I was being STUPID.  That I wasting my life at a dead end job.

Here I am, a few years later and still feel as lost as 19 year old me. I'm half way through with my education degree and some days I'm positive it's where I should be.  Other days I wonder what in the world I am doing. I'm embarrassed to admit that to people! Especially people who are older, the hubs fam and such. Everyone seems so put together....

I hope I am not the only 23 year old who still has no idea what the future holds.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Friend Making Monday!!

Please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Ten Random Questions

1) What do you like most about yourself? 
I've always prided myself on always putting others before myself.  This is a value that was always stressed to me when I was younger. Now that I've grown up, though, I am realizing that this is also a flaw. I have to remind myself that it's OKAY to do something for myself sometimes. 

2) List three characteristics that you like to have in your friends. Loyalty, Sense of Humor, and Fun!

3) How often do you brush your teeth? Twice....Once. That's horrible, I know!

4) If you could travel anywhere today, where would you go? I really, really want to go on an all inclusive vacation to like Jamaica or somewhere!

5) Have you ever met anyone from the blog world in person? Nope, not yet!

6) What is the last show you watched on TV? Oh goodness, I can't even remember. The hubby and I got rid of cable months ago! I do watch a few shows on the internet still. I really miss my TLC shows!

7) What kind of perfume/cologne do you wear? I don't have just one favorite.  I have all kinds of stuff in there.  I have quite a few from Bath and Body Works that I wear. I love the Twilight Woods one. I have Pink from Victoria Secret and I have a whole set of Britney Spears perfume that my SIL got me for Christmas.  I usually just grab whatever is close and spray!

8)  How long ago did you complete your last workout? Does treading through water for 6+ hours a day count?? I sure was sore afterwards!! I've been at the lake for 4 days and now have a terrible cold, so it has been almost a week since a REAL workout.

9) What will you eat for dinner tonight? Good question.  I am not sure yet.  I feel YUCKY and have to work 12 hours tomorrow so I plan on doing something quick and simple and then heading to bed suuuuper early!

10) Share something fun that you did over the weekend.  This weekend we went to the lake with my family and friends and we really had a blast.  We took the boat out some and swam more than I ever had in a weekend.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Counting Down the Days!


Aww. It looks so peaceful! On Thursday my husband and I, along with my entire family and four best friends are going to Hot Springs Village for some fun on the lake. I plan on being completely disconnected.....including my cell phone. *gasp*  It has been way too long since I've been disconnected from the world. Sadly, it's not uncommon for my husband and I to both have our phones out at the dinner table. (That's something we need to change!)

I promise I'm going to become a better blogger and start taking more pictures! I do have an excuse right now....
My poor phone

Yes. That's my phone. The one I am actually using!! I'm up for upgrade on Thursday but I just don't know what I want to get.  I hate that as soon as you get a new phone better ones come the next day. lol I really do want the Iphone 5 but I don't think it's coming out until September. I can't wait that long! I used to always take pictures on my phone, now...not so much.

Anyway! This has been a tad bit random! Hope everyone is having a good week!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Hair Cut!

It has been well over a year since I've cut my hair, probably closer to 2. That's horrible, I know! So today I finally did it.  I didn't take any before pictures like a good blogger would have. (I'll get there!)

My long hair a few weeks ago.

Short Hair.

I really like it!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Thinking Thin Blog Hop!

So Emily over at  Fat Girl to Thin started a new blog hop called Thinking Thin. Today's question is:

Why did you start blogging?

I originally started blogging last year as a weight loss tool.  There is a TON of support through blogging, and I ended up "meeting" a lot of interesting people.  As time went on, though, I realized I loved blogging and not just about weight related issues. Blogging is a great outlet. It's also a great way to keep in touch and let people take a look into your lives. I have some cousins that blog as well and it's so nice to hear about them in more than just a Facebook status.

So tomorrow is HAIRCUT day! I'm cutting at LEAST 8 inches off of my hair. I'm super nervous. I'll post pics!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Goals for the Week

Today has been a total MONDAY.  As much as I love three day weekends, the day after always drags on and on and on and.....well you get the picture.  I work at a preschool/daycare and all day today I wanted to follow Monday's schedule.  Luckily, my kids took it upon themselves to constantly remind me that I was off today. :) Those precious little dev.....angels.

I didn't go tot he gym this morning because my sunburn was not going to allow it.  I'm still a little sore this evening, but it should be fine in the morning. Regardless, though, I'll be at the gym at 6am.  I haven't been to the gym since.....wait for it....


I know, horrible. As soon as school got out I started working and getting up to workout before work did not sound the least bit appealing. The time has come to put on the big girl panties, stop making excuses, and just GO. I made the hubby set an extra alarm so I will get up and I am going to pack my gym bag tonight.

Since I'm not good with this whole long term goal thing. ((Who has the patience for that?!)) I've decided to just set weekly goals that I know I can achieve:

1.Work out in the gym for the next 4 days straight.
2.Drink at least 100oz of water a day.
3.Get at least 8 hours of sleep.
4.Have a protein shake after every workout.

I'm going to officially weigh in using the scales at the gym tomorrow. Our scale will vary between 5-10lbs every time you get off and on. We really need to invest in a better one!

Hope everyone is having a good week!!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Friend Making Monday

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. 

FMM: What are your plans for today??
This has been a whirlwind weekend. We had my 2 year old niece for two nights and that kid can wear you out FAST. The hubby and I are severely sunburned so we actually plan to stay in today. I really want to see Transformers, so we might just do that and grab some dinner later this evening. Most of the fireworks shows were last night, but there is one more tonight that we might catch some of. Is it super sad that i haven't seen any fireworks this year yet? haha

I hoping my sunburn gets better today because I have to work tomorrow AND i would like to be in the gym tomorrow. At this point I can't even wear a tank top without being in PAIN!

Happy 4th of July Everyone!!