Second Training Session

......kicked my ass.

....and I LOVED it.

I've never really done strength workouts outside of the fitness class I took at school.  I don't really count that because it was a part of a circuit and I never felt a burn like I did today.  We worked on back, shoulders, abs, and legs.  By the end of the workout I was literally drenched and my muscles were shaking.  It felt amazing! I can't wait to show my hubby some of the workouts.  I came home and made a big protein shake.  I'm new at the whole shake thing and definitely need some recipes. If you have any good ones, send them my way!

This is a short post, I'm about to have to go to work for a couple of hours. Tonight I'm going to my nephews football game and then we are picking up my wonderful sister in law! She is flying in from D.C. and staying with us for the weekend. Tomorrow I am definitely going to get some cardio in on my lunch break.  Saturday we are taking my nieces and nephew to the state fair. How in the world am I going to resist the fair food?!

First Personal Training Session

So I met with my new trainer, Mandy, last night. It went really well and we pretty much just discussed nutrition and how it's really 80% of losing and maintaining weight loss. Of course that is the part that I struggle with most! She stressed how no one plan can work for everyone and that we need to try several different things until we find something that fits.

First, she wants to put me on a plan where I eat 5 small meals a day. She did stress the fact that she is not a nutritionist, working out is her real forte, but over the years she has gotten a lot of information. The calorie range she told me to stay in was definitely off and I'm going by what a dietician told me before. She was saying about 1500 calories a day, but that's not enough at my weight, working out 5 days a week. I'm going to try to keep it between 2000-2300 to start out. All of the online resources actually say 2650 for my weight, but I'll tweak it as needed.

I bought 8 workout sessions to start out.  We're going to workout twice a week. I was pleasantly surprised that it's only 25.00/session. That's one good thing about living in Arkansas, everything's cheap! :)

Today was my first work. One word BRUTAL. It was the most intense 25 minutes on a treadmill....ever.  If she wasn't standing there next to me, I probably would have quit. haha I feel great that I did it now, and my endurance will get better and better.  We did intervals, increasing speed every minute for 5 minutes. Recover. Increase incline every minute for 5 minutes. Recover. Over and over. She then showed me a couple of other machines she wants me to do on Friday's.  The two times a week we are going to meet are going to be strength workouts.

I'm excited, and committed.  A trip to the grocery store is a must this evening!!

Happy Monday!

This weekend went entirely TOO fast!

On Friday night after I got off of work, the hubby and I decided to try some Indian food.  There's a place in town with amazing reviews so we gave it shot,
and I have come to the conclusion that either:

1.I don't like Indian food.
2.I just ordered the wrong thing

My husbands food was pretty good. (I wish I had taken pictures! I've GOTTA get better about that lol) I ordered a rice plate with beef. It was horrible. Even my husband wouldn't eat it, and that says something! lol Not to mention that the chickpea battered cheese we ordered tasted exactly like McDonalds chicken nuggets!

I'll probably try it again someday, but not anytime soon!

On Saturday night this little guy came to spend the night:

My nephew Vance!

He had never spent the night at my house before and he was sooo good! And yes he is standing in an ottoman in the living room.  He thought it was funny when I put my toy poodle in there and closed the lid. :)

Today is my first meeting with my personal trainer and being nervous is a definite understatement. I know I probably shouldn't be, but I can't help it.  It's not until 7 tonight, but I am so ready to get it over with and get started!

I ordered some goodies that i will hopefully get by the end of the week:

I ordered this shoe in black/pink. I tried them on in the store and it was AMAZING. Sadly that run SUPER small and they didn't have very many sizes so I had to order it.

 

These workout pants had great reviews and I had a coupon from Lane Bryant so I decided to try them out.

I also ordered a few new bras from cacique and a new sports bra! ((ahhh I LOVE shopping!))

I will definitely be reviewing these items later on when I get them and try them out!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday!

Not so Wordless Wednesday!

Hey everybody!! It's mid week and I hope everyone is doing well!  Today I don't work until 3:00.  I SHOULD be cleaning up the house and folding laundry, but blogging just seems like so much more fun :)

This past weekend I bought a book at Lifeway:

I'm not usually big on the whole "diet book" scene and this book isn't your typical weight loss book.  I haven't finished it yet and will definitely have a full review after I do, but so far the book has been very interesting.  The book talks about how in order to lose weight and be healthy, you can't just focus on the physical weight loss, because you are so much more than the weight loss.  You have to take into account your emotional, spiritual, and physical health.  If one part of your health is out of sync, your life will feel out of sync. I find this to be completely true in my case!

I other exciting news I have decided to take a leap of faith and get a personal trainer.  I feel at this point, I not only need the extra push and accountability, but I also need the guidance.  I am in this for the long run and I don't know how to make all of the lifestyle changes on my own.  I have my first meeting/consultation with her on Monday night.  I have to admit I am probably way more nervous than I should be. ((This may or may not be linked to the fact that I looked at her facebook page, and people were commenting about how they were too scared to work out with her or be in her bootcamp class.  Did I mention these were mostly FIT people??))  On Monday we are just going to go over goals and nutrition and start to figure out a plan.  I will meet with her twice a week in the beginning and eventually only once when I get the hang of things.

Have any of you ever worked with a personal trainer before?? What were your experiences like??

Hello long lost friends!! It has been much too long!!

First, I just have to say thank you so much to everyone who commented on my last post.  You don't know how much I needed your words during this emotional time. I took a break for a couple of weeks just to get my head together and get myself into a better emotional place.  I am happy to say that I have arrived at that place! I feel like I am in a much better and healthier state of mind.

I will write a longer post tomorrow and do a little recap of some good things going on in my life! (I finally got a new phone that takes great pictures too! Hello, Droid Bionic!)

For now I am going to catch up on some blog reading and spread the blog love!!

Emotional Wreck

I'm an emotional wreck.

Even as I type that, I try to put a smile on my face because that's what I do.  When things get tough, I laugh it off. I am the positive one.  I tell everyone that it's going to be fine, that it can't get any worse. I pick up all the pieces when people are falling apart.  I send cards, I text, I call....just because.  Because that's what I've always done. I grew up with two of the most selfish people on the planet and somehow ended up selfless. I'm proud to not be like my parents, but I wish it didn't come along with the guilt.  The guilt that comes when God forbid I do something for MYSELF.  I make a decision for MYSELF. I do something that makes ME happy.


The other night at 4am I hear my house phone ringing.  I jump out of bed because my niece is asleep on the couch and I don't want it to wake her up.  Before I get to the phone, I hear my mother on the answering machine.  She's crying hysterically and keeps saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."  The first thing that crossed my mind is that my father has passed away.  He's been sick for so long, fighting through heart surgeries, leg surgeries, amputations.  My heart sank. I was scared to pick up the phone, but I did.

My dad didn't pass away.  He's fine and still recovering, but my mom was calling to tell me that she was about to hang herself.

She was sitting in a tree, with a rope, going to kill herself.  She was going to hang herself from a tree just like her brother did last year.  She called to say goodbye.

I cannot believe I am admitting this, but some sort of relief flooded over me. I was emotionless. The first thought that crossed my mind was, "that's all?" Suddenly I was mad at her for calling me. I'm not proud of these feelings but I will acknowledge them. The mother I have today is not the same mom I had when I was very young.  In a way, my mom is already dead to me.  We have no relationship because any relationship with her is toxic. As I began to talk her out of suicide, I had no feeling.  It was as if I was talking to a perfect stranger.  As if a random person from the other side of the world called me and told me they were going to kill themselves.  Of course I will tell ANYONE not to commit suicide. I couldn't beg her not to do it.  The words would not come out.

As much as I've tried to hide it, since the night I talked to her out of suicide I've been an emotional wreck.  I am angry and bitter. I hold so much resentment and do not know how to let it go.  Holding things in only leads to unhealthy habits surfacing.

I will never get out of this vicious cycle if I don't do a few things.

1.I have to let myself be angry.
I have to realize that there is nothing abnormal about my angry feelings as long as I don't let them control me.

2.I have to let it go.
Being angry all the time isn't healthy for anyone.  I need to have some time to be angry and then give it to God.

3.I have to focus on me.
At the end of the day, my life is better without my mother in it, and that's nothing to feel guilty about. Removing myself from any situations involving her is best.

4.I have to find more healthy ways to vent.  Emotional eating will get me NOWHERE


Being healthy is my main priority.  It is the first step to moving on and starting my own family with my husband. I have to remove all of the toxic people in my life that do nothing but bring me down.  I have to move forward with no regrets.

Hello September!

I am so excited that September is here!  Along with September comes COOLER WEATHER.  This summer has been a killer.  I honestly don't think I will ever wish for summer to be here again.  It's no fun when it's absolutely too hot to enjoy it!

I've seen some people saying that they are joining in on no soda September.  I hardly drink soda, but I'm going to commit to this as well! I never keep any soda in the house but in social situations I usually give in and have some.  I'm completely confident that I can make it the entire month without wasting calories on soda!

I need to get caught up on my blog reading and share some blog love! Since school has started, things have gotten a little crazy! I think at the end of this month I am going to go through a program to become a Dental Assistant! It's only a 2 month program (although it's 5 hours a day, yuck!) and I figure that I have nothing to lose. (besides some cash lol) I haven't figured out what I want to do and I think it's time to just try something new.

I had a great workout today. I've started going back to the gym. My sister and law and I have a routine going that seems to work for now.  We start out with some cardio, do a complete circuit, and then end with more cardio. I'm sore today and I love that feeling!


Wow, this post has been all over the place. That's okay because that's what my life feels like right now, all over the place!

Hope you all are having a fantastic week!